A year and one month as of today

Hello everyone! Do I suck at keeping up this blog or what? I guess that’s what happens when the way of this life becomes routine? Maybe and maybe not but anyway I’m here now and will try my hardest to update at least monthly or more.

So, as of my one year appointment I am at 212.6 pounds. My highest weight was 315 so I’ll take that. I think my surgery day weight was 282??? I’ll have to go back and look and my goofy butt forgot to ask at my one year appt last month.

This has been a year full of ups and downs. Lots of downs but ya know what..I think tough times make us stronger. I’m unsure if this surgery contributed to all of my depression or not..likely not as I have had some other issues as well. But I really feel like things are improving and I’m happy about that.

For the first time in many many long years my periods are normal. Not completely on time but within 5 days of being so. I have a nifty app that is super cool. Also, the hair loss that was absolutely horrible has improved drastically. At about 5 months out it started coming out in wads and I was freaking out. I knew I would be bald. See my hair was (still is) thin already due to PCOS so I figured I might as well buy a wig. BUT I heard about Nioxin (system 2 is what I use) and while I thought it was pricey..it really isn’t when it comes to something that actually works and this stuff works! At least it does for me. I have so much new hair and my hair has minimal fall out. Super stoked about that. I also take 10,000 mcg of biotin a day and I always always take my bariatric multis. This is a must ya’ll!

But yeah..life is good. I’m very blessed and super thankful. I started therapy 2 weeks ago and I go for my second appointment Wednesday. That first appointment was brutal and that’s the norm from what I hear. Lots of old wounds opened up. The objective (I think that’s the word I’m looking for?) is for me to get over the phobias. I am not sure if I’ve ever talked about the phobias but if you’d like to know about them just reply and I’ll gladly make a post about them.

I’ll add a before and now photo. I’m not where I want to be by  no means. I’ve slacked on the exercise as most people do. BUT it’s going to warm up soon and I am getting my butt in gear. Can’t wait. I’ll start doing some in the house Monday and go from there. I eat pretty decently but have been feeling like I’m over doing it. Something else that my therapist and I will address. The thing some people don’t realize is that the surgery only works if YOU work. It is not a magic pill it is something that I and everyone who gets it will have to work on for life. Sure you lose the weight fast at first and I’ve heard the first 100 pounds is due to the surgery but after that you are on your own and boy are you ever.

To anyone considering the sleeve or any other form or WLS..do not be discouraged by anything or anyone. DO IT! The benefits to this surgery far far outweigh what minimal risks that there are. I’ll repeat a quote that was given to me by a very kind person here on the interwebs when I posted to a group freaking out about a week prior to my surgery. I was begging someone to tell me it was going to be alright and I was even questioning whether to go through with the surgery. This kind soul simply put “Surgery has risks, but obesity has guarantees”. That quote opened my eyes and I wasn’t as worried or as scared anymore. So thank you kind stranger.

Well, my food is smelling like it’s pretty much done so I’m off of here for now. I’ll close with a before and recent photo. Take care and remember that YOU GOT THIS! 🙂

-Aimee

**The photo on the left is me exactly a year ag0 so it was right at one month post op. The photo on the right is me about 2 weeks ago. So there is a little difference there. Now..below these I’ll put a photo (rare photo as I didn’t like my picture taken..still don’t really..blah) of me at my highest weight.

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Cellulitis from Bug/Spider Bite?

So after my workout Sunday afternoon I felt a little pain in my lower leg (right above my ankle). I touched it and it felt like a bruise. Well, I figured I hit it on something even though I know I didn’t. So, the evening went on and it got pretty red and hot to the touch. I looked on Google to make sure it wasn’t a blood clot (lol) and was confident that it was a spider bite.

Called my sweet Aunt who is a retired RN and she told me to put hot compresses on it and take a benadryl and to make sure to watch it for spreading. I did that..the next day it was pretty bad looking but I kept doing the compresses and took benadryl again. Anyway, fast forward to yesterday..it looked better when I woke up but as the day went on it got worse. Went to the ER and doc told me it is cellulitis.

So I was given antibiotics and a tetanus shot. I’m SO glad I didn’t have to get steroids because those make me hungry and mean (they really do!). Doc also said if it spread outside of the lines they drew to come back because I would then have to be admitted for IV antibiotics. But it looks a LOT better today after just one dose and I’m about to take my second dose.

So, I am glad that I went. I kept telling myself I didn’t need to go. I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for my grandma and my mom, my aunt and my husband pressuring me to go. I’m not necessarily stubborn I just would rather things heal naturally but sometimes medical intervention is necessary.

I love Influenster!

I have been a member of a product review website called Influenster for about 4 years now. They send you surveys so you can qualify for goody boxes called  VoxBoxes. I just received the Flawless VoxBox and OMGawsh the items in it are awesome.

So excited to try the nail polish here in a bit. I will update and review each item as I try them for those interested. I included the link above (just click on the word Influenster) for anyone wanting to join! It is free. Below is the video of me opening the VoxBox (don’t mind our plywood floor haha. Carpet is coming next week!)
All of these items were sent to me complimentary in exchange for me to try and review the product(s).

Bye to my Lip Ring

Life is all about changes. Some are good and some are not so good. I decided to make one small change in an attempt at “finding myself” through this weight loss journey, lifestyle, call it whatever you will.

I took my beloved lip ring out. Why? Well, read the above paragraph ;). No, seriously..I just started thinking, I will be 37 years old in a few months. I have nothing at all against lip rings obviously but I want my face free of distractions. I want to be taken seriously when I talk to people.

Does having a lip piercing make me a hooligan? Absolutely not..but I want to feel “grown up”. I think a lot of my depression and anxiety stem from feeling like a child trapped in an adult body. I always tend to play the victim and I am striving to stop that crap. I have to. For my well being and my sanity.

So..bye bye long time lip ring. I won’t cry for you, but I will still try to nibble at you even though you’re no longer there lol

Good chilly October morning to all

Today is a new day and I refuse to cry and wallow in self pity. I’m sick and tired of feeling this way but I’m pushing through. Instead of playing the victim I will take control of this. I weighed in at 215 pounds at the doctors office the other day. This “stall” or whatever has seemingly been going on for a long time. While I’m thankful I haven’t really gained, I am still not happy because I feel I should be at least to 200 now.

When grocery day rolls around I’m getting all the things I need to do the 5 day pouch reset. I have to..this is ridiculous and I had surgery to better myself so it’s time. I’m going to up my protein and water intake as well. It has to get better. I am also going to try to figure out how to afford therapy..that’s important.

Everyone have a blessed day!

Still stalled

Hey everyone! Well..I’m STILL stalled. I guess that’s better than gaining but I’m trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Maybe the stress. Home issues are taking a huge toll on me. I’m trying so hard to stay focused and positive.

I have started writing down goals and am starting to feel a lot more positive. So sorry for the lack of entries but it’s taken most of the energy that I have lately to even do my daily routine. I KNOW it will get better and I am trusting in God.

Thanks for continuing to follow me even though I do not post much or at all lately. I’ll get back on track and post more soon. Have a blessed rest of the week!

Stalling and Emotions

So, I rarely post in here anymore. The honeymoon period of post op is over. Of course I don’t really believe that I had much of a honeymoon period. I do not regret this surgery. I don’t want anyone pre op to think that I do. I can tell you that I likely wasn’t prepared mentally for it. I wish they would require much much more therapy pre op. I honestly think that should be a requirement.

I am a food addict. I didn’t realize how much so until I started this process. Food was my drug. Food is still my drug. Food will always be my drug if I allow it to be. I was a heavy smoker too so that was one of my “vices”. I’m so glad I’m no longer a smoker and I do not crave them at all surprisingly. BUT I do feel as if there is a void. I feel very depressed and very lonely.

The emotions I am and have been feeling quite possibly could not be related to the surgery because I do have several other things that are going on in my life. But I can say that I’ve been through a lot more and handled it quite well prior. Maybe I just stuffed my face and gained mega weight but hey, I feel as if I handled it.

I am currently at a stall. I’m stuck at 210 (according to my moms scales, as I do not have any). While I do not eat crappy stuff and I stick to the post op diet, I do eat the stuff I can have in excess. Peanut butter..that’s one of the things that I believe we are “okayed” to have in moderation. Welp, for a food addict there is no such thing as moderation. I eat spoonfuls of it. It tastes so good to me and seemingly satisfies my “sweet tooth”. This is likely contributing to the weight stall and it’ll be a weight gain if I don’t check myself.

The greek yogurt, I eat 2 containers a day, sometimes 3. Yup..I admit. Obviously not at one sitting but throughout the day. I really over do my meals too. I feel full and will still go past that limit. I’m not doing the wait 30 minutes between food and drink like I should be either. So..all of this is my fault. I feel as if I am a huge failure and I am. I’m failing.

I am very depressed. I also sleep a long time or not much at all. I am wondering if I even need the cpap anymore. It dries me out so bad that I wake up many times during the night with a horribly dry mouth and tongue. It will hurt my tongue sometimes it’s so dry. *shrugs*. I called the company and they said the doctor has to figure something out about it. I thought they could look at the data but what do I know. So I’ve been turning the pressure down slowly myself. Not even sure I’m doing it right.

So…I feel good to get this out in the open. I am the only one that can resolve the eating stuff. I need help with the emotions though. One problem with that is that I can not afford therapy. My insurance will NOT cover a counselor. Go figure. Something about my states budget cuts. :/ I’ll just wear a happy mask I suppose. I am going to hop off of the pity train and try to get some stuff done. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

Does anyone else get pissed off because you can not eat as much as you used to be able to? Is this a fairly early out issue or is it just an Aimee issue? I’m going to go with the latter. I feel like I’m failing. I feel like I’m going to fail and this was all for nothing.

I’m not eating crap. I’m just eating too much of the stuff that is “allowed” or recommended. I get bored. I graze and I know I shouldn’t. I overfill my pouch. I. Am. A. Food. Addict.

I need help. I don’t drive alone (I’ll make a post on my phobias at some point in time) so I can’t get to counseling. Sure my husband can take me and he would BUT he works a lot and he can not just take off to take me somewhere. I have to get a grip on this. I really do.

If I do not follow this program it WILL be all for nothing and I’ll be right back up to 300 or more. This is really a struggle and I beg anyone that has had WLS to tell me it isn’t a struggle. If anyone even sees this please do not lecture me or add any kind of mean spirited comment. I’m hard on myself enough as it is.

Why am I still up?

2:36 AM and I’m sitting here blurry eyed but not really tired. Seems like my eyes are the only thing that are tired right now. So many thoughts running through my mind. Of what? I’m not really sure. Mainly finances I guess. But I am a natural worrier so a bit of everything all jumbled together makes for an interesting thought process.

Anyway, today was a productive day. Hubby and myself had a lot to do and we got it all done. We mowed our yard and I felt as if I were going to pass out. That heat was no joke but I just kept drinking my powerade zero and thankfully the only thing I received from the heat was a beet red face.

My husbands days off really fly by. I guess everyones do. I work 7 days a week in the home and outside of the home (at my grandmas house). BUT I really enjoy when he is home with me. I’m so thankful he has a job though. He and I discussed winning the lotto today. Of course you can’t win if you don’t play..but you can’t play if every dollar is already accounted for..soooo it won’t happen. Not that it would anyway 😛

I honestly do not think I would want to be rich. If you were rich then what would there be to look forward to? I mean for me and my husband we enjoy saving up money for a little mini vacation once a year. That is something we look forward to. Also, what about fake people? If you’re rich you would have so many friends..and who needs fake friends?

Oh well..I’m rambling. I guess I’ll lay my self down so I can get some rest. I plan on cleaning tomorrow. See if I were rich then I wouldn’t even clean because I would pay someone else to do it..where is the joy in that?!

Okay..more ramblings tomorrow I guess. Good night for me and good morning to all.