It’s been a while..good morning!

Good morning. I do not believe I have any or many readers but if I do, hello. I have not posted in a while. Not much has happened. Our Ringo boy (the pup) has really grown. He’s a year old now and he and his “brother” Brogan are typical brothers. They play and nap together and argue sometimes.

They are inseparable though. I’ve gotten back on track in terms of eating recently. I upgraded from a Fitbit Alta to a Versa. I enjoy it and I’m tracking my foods and have started exercising again slowly but surely.

My husband is in the process of getting vsg. I’m so proud of him! He and I have been through so much in life and for him to join me on this journey is awesome. My prayers are that he does well and is happy always.

Today is my last day of taking Wellbutrin. My psychiatrist felt it would be fine for me to taper off of it. I attempted this back in February but then my grandma passed away and I couldn’t handle the grief and the feeling so I went back on it. I’m doing well though now thanks to God. He’s so good! I sit and look back at my life and see all the things God has done for me and it is just awesome.

Life is only life with the Lord. Without Him we are nothing and life is nothing. So I know He will help me to be antidepressant free. I’m going to be well mentally.

Anyway, it’s early. I’m up reading my Bible and drinking coffee. I just wanted to pop on here and post as it’s been a long time. I hope if anyone reads this they have a wonderful day. If you need prayers or someone to talk to just reply on this post. God bless you!

App notifications and just stuff

Or lack of rather. I just decided to check this app and noticed a couple of replies to my comments but this app didn’t inform me so I apologize for the delay.

Been in a bit of a funk. Around the end of the month I get horribly moody. Very bad mood swings. Lots of emotions and I can be quite mean and argumentative with Jeremy.

I’ve got to find a psychiatrist that will take me at my word. I tell my current one these symptoms and she seems to brush it off. I really like her but I have to find someone who will help me.

Not sure what it is. Someone on a Pcos group mentioned PDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder I think). Said it sounds very much like it. So today I’ll be looking to see if I can find another psychiatrist for a second opinion.

Other than that I’m doing alright. I do have my days where I miss grandma terribly. It’s only been 3 months (almost 4) so that’s to be expected. She was a huge part of my life.

Anyway, nothing else going on. Just wanted to update for anyone interested. 🙂

Til next time…God bless everyone!

A year and one month as of today

Hello everyone! Do I suck at keeping up this blog or what? I guess that’s what happens when the way of this life becomes routine? Maybe and maybe not but anyway I’m here now and will try my hardest to update at least monthly or more.

So, as of my one year appointment I am at 212.6 pounds. My highest weight was 315 so I’ll take that. I think my surgery day weight was 282??? I’ll have to go back and look and my goofy butt forgot to ask at my one year appt last month.

This has been a year full of ups and downs. Lots of downs but ya know what..I think tough times make us stronger. I’m unsure if this surgery contributed to all of my depression or not..likely not as I have had some other issues as well. But I really feel like things are improving and I’m happy about that.

For the first time in many many long years my periods are normal. Not completely on time but within 5 days of being so. I have a nifty app that is super cool. Also, the hair loss that was absolutely horrible has improved drastically. At about 5 months out it started coming out in wads and I was freaking out. I knew I would be bald. See my hair was (still is) thin already due to PCOS so I figured I might as well buy a wig. BUT I heard about Nioxin (system 2 is what I use) and while I thought it was pricey..it really isn’t when it comes to something that actually works and this stuff works! At least it does for me. I have so much new hair and my hair has minimal fall out. Super stoked about that. I also take 10,000 mcg of biotin a day and I always always take my bariatric multis. This is a must ya’ll!

But yeah..life is good. I’m very blessed and super thankful. I started therapy 2 weeks ago and I go for my second appointment Wednesday. That first appointment was brutal and that’s the norm from what I hear. Lots of old wounds opened up. The objective (I think that’s the word I’m looking for?) is for me to get over the phobias. I am not sure if I’ve ever talked about the phobias but if you’d like to know about them just reply and I’ll gladly make a post about them.

I’ll add a before and now photo. I’m not where I want to be by  no means. I’ve slacked on the exercise as most people do. BUT it’s going to warm up soon and I am getting my butt in gear. Can’t wait. I’ll start doing some in the house Monday and go from there. I eat pretty decently but have been feeling like I’m over doing it. Something else that my therapist and I will address. The thing some people don’t realize is that the surgery only works if YOU work. It is not a magic pill it is something that I and everyone who gets it will have to work on for life. Sure you lose the weight fast at first and I’ve heard the first 100 pounds is due to the surgery but after that you are on your own and boy are you ever.

To anyone considering the sleeve or any other form or WLS..do not be discouraged by anything or anyone. DO IT! The benefits to this surgery far far outweigh what minimal risks that there are. I’ll repeat a quote that was given to me by a very kind person here on the interwebs when I posted to a group freaking out about a week prior to my surgery. I was begging someone to tell me it was going to be alright and I was even questioning whether to go through with the surgery. This kind soul simply put “Surgery has risks, but obesity has guarantees”. That quote opened my eyes and I wasn’t as worried or as scared anymore. So thank you kind stranger.

Well, my food is smelling like it’s pretty much done so I’m off of here for now. I’ll close with a before and recent photo. Take care and remember that YOU GOT THIS! 🙂

-Aimee

**The photo on the left is me exactly a year ag0 so it was right at one month post op. The photo on the right is me about 2 weeks ago. So there is a little difference there. Now..below these I’ll put a photo (rare photo as I didn’t like my picture taken..still don’t really..blah) of me at my highest weight.

Still stalled

Hey everyone! Well..I’m STILL stalled. I guess that’s better than gaining but I’m trying to figure out what the heck is going on. Maybe the stress. Home issues are taking a huge toll on me. I’m trying so hard to stay focused and positive.

I have started writing down goals and am starting to feel a lot more positive. So sorry for the lack of entries but it’s taken most of the energy that I have lately to even do my daily routine. I KNOW it will get better and I am trusting in God.

Thanks for continuing to follow me even though I do not post much or at all lately. I’ll get back on track and post more soon. Have a blessed rest of the week!

Stalling and Emotions

So, I rarely post in here anymore. The honeymoon period of post op is over. Of course I don’t really believe that I had much of a honeymoon period. I do not regret this surgery. I don’t want anyone pre op to think that I do. I can tell you that I likely wasn’t prepared mentally for it. I wish they would require much much more therapy pre op. I honestly think that should be a requirement.

I am a food addict. I didn’t realize how much so until I started this process. Food was my drug. Food is still my drug. Food will always be my drug if I allow it to be. I was a heavy smoker too so that was one of my “vices”. I’m so glad I’m no longer a smoker and I do not crave them at all surprisingly. BUT I do feel as if there is a void. I feel very depressed and very lonely.

The emotions I am and have been feeling quite possibly could not be related to the surgery because I do have several other things that are going on in my life. But I can say that I’ve been through a lot more and handled it quite well prior. Maybe I just stuffed my face and gained mega weight but hey, I feel as if I handled it.

I am currently at a stall. I’m stuck at 210 (according to my moms scales, as I do not have any). While I do not eat crappy stuff and I stick to the post op diet, I do eat the stuff I can have in excess. Peanut butter..that’s one of the things that I believe we are “okayed” to have in moderation. Welp, for a food addict there is no such thing as moderation. I eat spoonfuls of it. It tastes so good to me and seemingly satisfies my “sweet tooth”. This is likely contributing to the weight stall and it’ll be a weight gain if I don’t check myself.

The greek yogurt, I eat 2 containers a day, sometimes 3. Yup..I admit. Obviously not at one sitting but throughout the day. I really over do my meals too. I feel full and will still go past that limit. I’m not doing the wait 30 minutes between food and drink like I should be either. So..all of this is my fault. I feel as if I am a huge failure and I am. I’m failing.

I am very depressed. I also sleep a long time or not much at all. I am wondering if I even need the cpap anymore. It dries me out so bad that I wake up many times during the night with a horribly dry mouth and tongue. It will hurt my tongue sometimes it’s so dry. *shrugs*. I called the company and they said the doctor has to figure something out about it. I thought they could look at the data but what do I know. So I’ve been turning the pressure down slowly myself. Not even sure I’m doing it right.

So…I feel good to get this out in the open. I am the only one that can resolve the eating stuff. I need help with the emotions though. One problem with that is that I can not afford therapy. My insurance will NOT cover a counselor. Go figure. Something about my states budget cuts. I’ll just wear a happy mask I suppose. I am going to hop off of the pity train and try to get some stuff done. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

Does anyone else get pissed off because you can not eat as much as you used to be able to? Is this a fairly early out issue or is it just an Aimee issue? I’m going to go with the latter. I feel like I’m failing. I feel like I’m going to fail and this was all for nothing.

I’m not eating crap. I’m just eating too much of the stuff that is “allowed” or recommended. I get bored. I graze and I know I shouldn’t. I overfill my pouch. I. Am. A. Food. Addict.

I need help. I don’t drive alone (I’ll make a post on my phobias at some point in time) so I can’t get to counseling. Sure my husband can take me and he would BUT he works a lot and he can not just take off to take me somewhere. I have to get a grip on this. I really do.

If I do not follow this program it WILL be all for nothing and I’ll be right back up to 300 or more. This is really a struggle and I beg anyone that has had WLS to tell me it isn’t a struggle. If anyone even sees this please do not lecture me or add any kind of mean spirited comment. I’m hard on myself enough as it is.

Why am I still up?

2:36 AM and I’m sitting here blurry eyed but not really tired. Seems like my eyes are the only thing that are tired right now. So many thoughts running through my mind. Of what? I’m not really sure. Mainly finances I guess. But I am a natural worrier so a bit of everything all jumbled together makes for an interesting thought process.

Anyway, today was a productive day. Hubby and myself had a lot to do and we got it all done. We mowed our yard and I felt as if I were going to pass out. That heat was no joke but I just kept drinking my powerade zero and thankfully the only thing I received from the heat was a beet red face.

My husbands days off really fly by. I guess everyones do. I work 7 days a week in the home and outside of the home (at my grandmas house). BUT I really enjoy when he is home with me. I’m so thankful he has a job though. He and I discussed winning the lotto today. Of course you can’t win if you don’t play..but you can’t play if every dollar is already accounted for..soooo it won’t happen. Not that it would anyway 😛

I honestly do not think I would want to be rich. If you were rich then what would there be to look forward to? I mean for me and my husband we enjoy saving up money for a little mini vacation once a year. That is something we look forward to. Also, what about fake people? If you’re rich you would have so many friends..and who needs fake friends?

Oh well..I’m rambling. I guess I’ll lay my self down so I can get some rest. I plan on cleaning tomorrow. See if I were rich then I wouldn’t even clean because I would pay someone else to do it..where is the joy in that?!

Okay..more ramblings tomorrow I guess. Good night for me and good morning to all.

 

 

 

Day of rest..sorta

So I can proudly say that I’ve done 3 straight days of intense (for me) exercise. Each day I have gotten about an hour in. That might not seem like much to some but to me that is a big deal. Half an hour on the treadmill and each day I up the speed a bit. Then I do the ab lounge (do you call those set ups?). I do 5 sets of 20 with about a 5 minute rest between each set. But during the 5 minutes of rest I do the resistance band arm exercises.

After all of the ab loungin is done I move on to arm exercises with my 10 pound weights. I do about 20 of those. Then I do 20 squats. I’m feeling it today so I decided to take a bit of a rest day. BUT I am going to be weed eating once it gets a little less hot. The heat index is over 100 here so my hubby and I are going to wait until closer to dark to mow and weed eat the yard he took for extra cash.

So right now I’m just sitting in the house waiting until it’s time to eat. I wait half an hour between meals to drink. I think everyone who has had weight loss surgery is told to wait 30 minutes to an hour.

I’ll reheat some of the ricotta bake I made last night. It’s really good and full of protein. Nom Nom. Hope everyone has an excellent hump day!

I have been slacking..I have to get it in gear

I’ve not been exercising like I should. While there is no excuse..I have been making many. All of them are legit. I’m still in a bad place mentally, I’m tired..very tired (likely due to the depression), I can not focus much, and I lack motivation.

There has to be some changes made..I can’t sit around and do nothing or else I’ll end up right back where I was. A place that I never want to be again..and that is 300lb plus. I can’t do that.

So I will get my ass in gear and I will start back the exercises and up my water (slacking there too).

Glamping anyone?

I want to go camping. I want to go hiking and get closer to nature. My husband wants a tent air conditioner. There is no such thing that I can find. I’ve looked and looked on Amazon but all I see are expensive portable ones that you have to vent or fans. I’m perfectly fine with just a fan. I stay cold anymore anyway. But I want him as comfy as one can be while camping. So if anyone happens to read this and knows of a tent air conditioner that isn’t an arm and a leg, please let me know.